Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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