Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
