i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
