the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
