Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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