Kiss
Puke
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
