Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
handjob tips. give me some.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
