I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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