i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
