it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
