plz talk dirty to me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
