Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
