First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You made out with two different species that night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
