At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
