So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
