Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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