Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My ass is underappreciated
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
