dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
