The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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