Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
