Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My life is pants optional.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
