Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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