You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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