My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
