Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
