rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
