3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
