please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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