He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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