I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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