I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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