If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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