It's Friday. Sex?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had to cum in my sink.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
