He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
