idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
