Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
