He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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