Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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