Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I want is dick and wine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
