If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I sprained my soul last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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