If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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