I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
