You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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