well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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