dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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