We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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