Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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