Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
