So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
