During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
