I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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