SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
