well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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