those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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